TGIF *Joke of the Day*

[Shelly1]

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ' What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'

The doctor replies, ' A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! '

' That's a lot of money,' says the old man. ' Why does it cost so much?'

' Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside ?'

' No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ' That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped !'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer !

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH ! Something whips by him going much faster !

' What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari , he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN !

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again ! The Ferrari is flat out,
and there's nothing he can do !

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says,
' I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?'

The old man whispers, ' Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror '.

[Nemesis]

**sigh**

walks away from thread

[diddy]

[Shelly1]

Ok, I will see what else I can come up with...... Just for you GEORGE

[Shelly1]

Originally Posted by bdiddy

Thank you Tim

[Shelly1]

For George...........

There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away. So she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they just wont go away. So she goes to the doctor. She says to the doctor: "Doctor, this was working for a while, but I cant seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies: "Lady those aren't bags... those are your breasts!" All she had to say was, "Now that would explain why I have this goatee.

[diddy]

Originally Posted by Shelly1

Thank you Tim

your welcome. don't mind George, he is just mad because he found out the mexican he thought got his mom pregnant with him really wasn't his daddy

[diddy]

here is one.


A couple was having problem in their sex life, no matter what they tried they couldn't get any excitement out of it. So they hear of this sex doctor from a friend and go to him. They talk for a while and this is what he tells them. "Ok, go to the grocery store and buy some doughnuts and grapes. Go home and site on opposite sides of the bed. I want the wife to throw the donuts at your husbands member till you wring it around it, then go eat it off. And you sir, I want you to take the grapes, and roll them across the bed with your nose, and place them in her you know what, then eat it out of there"

So the couple goes home and it works great. They are telling all their friends how great this doctor is.

Another friend of theirs seem to be having the same type problem, so they go to the doctor. This time the doctor tells them he can't help them at all.

They say "please??? we heard about how good you were from our friends. we'll try anything"


The doctor shakes his head and says "Ok, Fine. Go to the grocery store and by some cheerios and apples...."

[frenchblueC2]

lol to me, the donuts are just as insulting as the cheerios

[diddy]

Originally Posted by frenchblueC2

lol to me, the donuts are just as insulting as the cheerios

ok, but lets look at the size difference between the hole in a doughnut, and the whole in a cheerio.....