More of a rant but need advice

[bodkins_adam01]

Well I have this really good friend for a couple of years now. We do alot together and here recently he met this girl who not only lives in MO about 5 hours away but she also has a 2 month old baby. My problem is that this girl decided at 2 a.m two weeks ago she was going to pack a bag pack her son up and drive all the way here. She is staying at his house which btw happens to be his parents house. He has been very distant and this girl has started alot of crap since she has been here. You all know I recently became engaged and I am not a teenie bopper. I have been through alot and i consider myself very mature and have alot of respect for others. My problem is that since her arrival he has started smarting off to his parents, to me, and to our friends. My fiance and I were at his house for a cookout. My fiance has been friends with his mom for a while and she is our photographer at our wedding. I was outside having a beer with his dad when he comes out and jumps his dad calling him a jackass and many other names I would never say to my parents. I told him to back the F((( off and cool it. Well also I forgot to mention that the cookout was saturday and on friday night he was riding his bike ( suzuki 650s) that his parents bought him. He wasn't wearing a jacket or pants. Just shorts, helmet, and cut off T. he messed himself up pretty good but messed the bike up even more. The argument between his father and hisself began when his dad told him the bike wont start and he chose to disagree then got pissed when he couldn't get it to start. I guess the reason I posted is to get advice on what to do. I have told him this girl isn't good for him and he needs to leave it alone. BTW supposedly she is now pregnant with his child. I think she is using him for his parents money and have a way to pawn the kid off. But what would be a good way to go about this.

[deliveryguy]

Wow man, that's a rough situation. I'm no counselor, but it seems like the only thing that would work for this guy would be to have his parents knock some sense into him. Not literally of course, but maybe giving him the option of finding his own place to stay or letting the girl go would put things into perspective. Obviously the girl needs help, but there are many programs/agencies that deal with exactly her kind of situation. If she's pregnant, well I would say talk to a doc about abortion. Honestly, would you rather ruin an entire family financially, structurally, and emotionally by involving this girl and essentially making her dependent? Or would you rather do things the right way and get her the help she needs with the child she already has, whom she seems to have enough trouble handling as is. Sometimes logic overrides emotion, and this would be a great time to get that kid to realize it.

[bodkins_adam01]

my main thing is the kid. She and he both bring the child out at like anywhere from midnight to 5 in the morning and I am not DR. but isn't that really bad for a child. My niece and nephew and my god niece are all in bed asleep or on there way to sleep no later than 8:30 at night and they are never out past 6 pm. It pisses me off that someone would neglect there child like that. I went over a few nights before the cookout and they had been gone for like 7 hours from what his mom said and they came home and openly admited that the child hadn't had a diaper change or been fed.

[bubby]

That sucks, but it sounds like a Springer story. Seriously.

[deliveryguy]

That further supports the proposition that the girl/child need to be in a program that helps to make these predicaments easier on everyone. Not ALL our tax money goes nowhere - these things exist. I'm guessing that she doesn't know who baby #1's daddy is, nor does she have a source of income (child support, job). She needs to grow up, and your buddy needs to step back. I'm not sure what else to tell you...I suppose DSS would be a last resort if you see continuing neglect. That may be the best option.

[bodkins_adam01]

i just hate having to think of doing that. Also if I call DCS don't they have to take a statement from you? It just seems like I am loosing a friend for a piece of ass. I mean my fiance is more upset than me cause my Birthday is friday and she is having a party for me and all that jazz and he told her that he wasn't coming cause his girl doesn't like either one of us and that he probably wasn't going to be a groomsman at our wedding. It upset her really bad last night. Part of me wants to break him in half and not cause of what he is doing to me. But because of me coming in from the garage and my fiance is laying on the bed crying.

[Arcangel]

Does seem like sum springer stuff. Serious help for the mom, that is horrible. I agree with deliveryguy whereas having him choose. The way I see it have him find his place and way to provide for the mother, himself, and possibly 2 children,..or have it made at his parents and lose the chick. Once you have a kid everything comes second, and your first priority is the child above ALL including going out for 7hrs!! Tuff situation i suck at dis wish i could help you

[deliveryguy]

I wish there was an easy way out, but I think the net result would be much more beneficial if you involved DSS. You may have to disclose some of your information, but they are obligated to keep your info confidential unless the matter goes to court and you agree to testify in favor of the child (I'm pretty sure - call and ask though). Give him a chance - explain to him how his choices are rippling negativity into his family, friends, and maybe others. I would tell him what's going on from my perspective, and lay some options out on the table. You may lose a friend temporarily, but if he's reasonable and snaps out of this nonsense, he'll thank you for helping him and the kid. That's really what you would be doing man.

[deliveryguy]

Report Child Abuse

[Blackcoog]

His parents should kick him out. He shouldn't be living at home if he thinks he's mature enough to have a child with someone. Once he gets kicked out he will probably re-evaluate his life and start to turn things around.