The Undead Gateway Thread

[MaverickFlyer]

The language of Work


Has Leadership Qualities - Is tall or has a loud voice
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Loyal - Can't get a job anywhere else
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Expresses Themselves Well - Speaks English
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Independent Worker - Nobody knows what he/she does
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Quick Thinking - Offers plausible excuses
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Good Communication Skills - Spends lots of time on phone
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Work Is First Priority - Too ugly to get a date
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Meticulous Attention To Detail - A nit picker
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Great Presentation Skills - Able to bull****
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Exceptionally Well Qualified - Made no major blunders yet
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Careful Thinker - Won't make a decision
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Active Socially - Drinks a lot
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Family Is Active Socially - Spouse drinks, too
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Keen Sense Of Humor - Knows a lot of dirty jokes
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Exceptionally Good Judgment – Lucky
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Uses Logic On Difficult Jobs - Gets someone else to do it
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Average Employee - Not too bright

[MaverickFlyer]

More Workplace Definitions



Assmosis
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, ****s over everything and then leaves.

Salmon day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM
Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB - Career Limiting Behavior)


Dilberted
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

Flight Risk
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."

Percussive Maintenance
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

[MaverickFlyer]

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it." "Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in. "Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy

[MaverickFlyer]

The Plan.

In the beginning, there was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form, And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of **** and it stinketh."

And the Workers went into their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide it's strength." And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

And the Directors went unto the Vice President, saying, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying, "This new Plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. This is how **** Happens.

[MaverickFlyer]

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I gave you $1,500 minus 3%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

[jaged]

whooo hooo, a person in my dept is out today and she left her comp. thank god she didnt change her password. Mary i would get headers b4 cams cause if you have to chip to get the proper use outta the cams youll have to send it back to get reburned if you get headers later. With the headers you dont need the chip, it helps the shifts, but is not needed to get the proper power out of them

[sonza68]

Originally Posted by MaverickFlyer

You know we burnt your White House down once, Don't **** with us or we'll do it again!

You could burn the whole city as far as I'm concerned. I like the east coast even less than Canada.

[MetallicaCougs]

OK some one take away his cut-n-paste

[MetallicaCougs]

Jason, the headers are already decided to get. I'm not concerned about them. Santa Cars will bring that if he knows whats good for him. I'm looking into cams since they really arent that expensive, but the time invetment is great. I just want to know if they would be worth it.

[MaverickFlyer]

Originally Posted by MetallicaCougs

OK some one take away his cut-n-paste

Hey Tom started it!
How come you don't pick on Him!