The Undead Gateway Thread

[sonza68]

There are four people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him."

The pretty young blonde thinks, "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me."

The Englishman thinks, "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French **** again"

[sonza68]

So a guy walks into a doctor's office.

"D..D..D..Doc, I..I..I.. G..G..Got a P..P..Problem."

"Yes, you certainly do," says the doctor, noticing the obvious stutter. He proceeds to examine the man, and after awhile comes up with a diagnosis.

"You see," says the doctor, "It appears your penis is simply too big and all the blood it is using up is leaving the part of your brain that is applied to speech."

"W..W..Well W..W..What Can I..I..I do?"

"It just so happens we have a new surgery where we take a piece out of the middle, and then attach the front to the back, good as new but smaller."

"O..O..O..O K, I..I..I'll do it."





A week after the surgery the man comes back into to doctor's office, talking really clearly and quite quickly as well.

"Doc, I'm feeling great, see, stutter's gone. It really is a world of difference, don't you think? However now I've got another problem. You see, the wife's been a little disappointed as of late, you know, with the smaller johnson and everthing, so I was thinking about it and... Well do you think its possible for me to have the piece put back in.





The doctor replies, "F....F....F... *ck off!"

[sonza68]

An optimist sees the glass as half full.

A pessimist sees the glass as half empty.

An engineer sees that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[sonza68]

That is all.

[MaverickFlyer]

Wow, Did you make those up yourself Tom?
Your a Funny Guy!!!

[MaverickFlyer]

Ok this is good for a laugh anyway....






A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected :

A half-gallon of 2% milk

A carton of eggs

A quart of orange juice

A head of romaine lettuce

A 2 lb can of coffee

And a 1 lb package of bacon


As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single"


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
Intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.


She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing unusual
About her selections that could have tipped off the drunk as to her marital
status.


Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "CAUSE YOUR UGLY!"

[MetallicaCougs]

Originally Posted by sonza68

That was her first shower. This the couples shower, or something like that, which is for everyone. 2 showers, the wedding and then a reception spread out over 4 months, I think she's trying to bleed everyone dry.

lol sounds smart

so who you taking to the "couples" one ?

[MetallicaCougs]

Originally Posted by sonza68

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is nervous, and soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat right next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation. He asks, "Where are you flying to today?"

She responds, "To the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago." His mind reeling, he asks, "And what do you do at this meeting?"

"Well," she says, "We try to dissolve some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"And what myths are those?" he continues, choking back his excitement.

She explains, "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed, when in fact, it is the Native American man who owns this trait. Also, it is widely believed that the Frenchman is the best lover, when actually it is men of Jewish decent who make the best lovers."

"Very interesting..." the man responds.

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I just feel so awkward discussing this with you when I don't even know you! What is your name?"

The man extends his hand and replies, "Tonto........Tonto Goldstein."

you forgot the redneck part and then my friends call me bubba

[sonza68]

Originally Posted by MaverickFlyer

Wow, Did you make those up yourself Tom?
Your a Funny Guy!!!

EliseTalk had a jokes thread recently. I just hand picked the funniest ones.

[sonza68]

Originally Posted by MetallicaCougs

lol sounds smart

so who you taking to the "couples" one ?

No one. I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay. Depends on who's there, but for the most part I don't have much in common with my sister's friends.