View Full Version : So a neutron..
walks into the bar...
and the bar tender is like...
for you neutron...
No Charge.
EdgeCat
07-28-2004, 09:57 PM
Theres 2 muffins cooking in an oven. The one muffin says "Damn it's hot in here." Confused, the second muffin looks at the first one and says, "Holy SHlT, its a talking muffin!"
I'll be here all week.
CaeSly
07-29-2004, 11:18 AM
what does a gay cow eat?
Heeeyyyy (said Queer-Eye style)
What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground Beef.
khusted
07-29-2004, 12:08 PM
What did the lightbulb say to its mother?
I wuv you watts and watts.
What did the mayonaise say when someone opened the fride?
"Ahh, Close the Door, Im Dressing"
khusted
07-29-2004, 12:42 PM
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"
What do you call a cow with two legs...
Lean Beef.
EdgeCat
07-29-2004, 02:01 PM
What did the cookie say when he woke in the morning and felt sick?
I feel crummy today.
khusted
07-29-2004, 02:01 PM
This guy comes blasting into the doctor's office and exclaims, excitedly, "Doctor, I think I'm shrinking! I think I'm shrinking!"
"Ok, just settle down sir," the doctor says. "You're just going to have to be a little patient."
ADavis83
07-29-2004, 02:54 PM
What do girls and rocks have in common?
You skip the flat ones :rofl:
2kBlackCatGurl
07-29-2004, 04:41 PM
this is almost sad guys ;) haha
khusted
07-29-2004, 04:43 PM
What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
2kSlvrStang
07-29-2004, 04:44 PM
All engineers go to heaven!!!
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
khusted
07-29-2004, 05:06 PM
What did one mountain say to the other mountain after an earthquake?
It's not my fault.
2kBlackCatGurl
07-29-2004, 09:26 PM
Originally posted by: 2kSlvrStang
All engineers go to heaven!!!
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
hey!!...as a future lawyer, i resent that! ;)
What did the daddy tomato say to Jr. Tomato when he stepped on him?
'Catch Up!"
EricF
07-30-2004, 05:34 AM
These are no P.C.(politically correct) but you guys are picking on cows too.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on a door step
Mat
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean
Bob
2kSlvrStang
07-30-2004, 06:30 AM
Hey Eric...
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall?
Art
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs water skiing?
Skip
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?
Doug
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle
What did the Grape say to the other Grape while caught in traffic?
"If you werent so fresh we wouldnt be in this jam"
khusted
07-30-2004, 11:19 AM
You're on top of Mount Everest. How do you get down?
Pluck a duck.
EricF
07-30-2004, 09:08 PM
khusted... I don't get it...
2kBlackCatGurl
07-30-2004, 09:29 PM
down feathers....how do u get them?..u pluck a duck.
BasicDigital
07-31-2004, 01:55 AM
I swear nobody in IL gets this Neutron joke at first. I either have to explain it to them or repeat myself 3 times before they get it. Or I might just have some stupid friends I don't know.
EdgeCat
07-31-2004, 03:40 AM
Only enlightened people get it.
2kSlvrStang
07-31-2004, 04:56 PM
Then how did you get it Adam? Ohhh burn!
EdgeCat
07-31-2004, 05:14 PM
Originally posted by: 2kSlvrStang
Then how did you get it Adam? Ohhh burn!
Who do you think told her that joke? OH SNAP!!!!1one
01blkcat
08-01-2004, 07:00 PM
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"
"Four dollars an ounce."
"How much for lawyer brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"
Topik
08-01-2004, 08:05 PM
i would post jokes but the only ones that I can think of might not be appropriate.
Originally posted by: lbizboy
i would post jokes but the only ones that I can think of might not be appropriate.
AHAHAHA, this may be fast cougar, but you must have forgot what chapter you are in...Heh.
OMG, So did you guys watch the news last night?? There was this guy on there that ate his baby!!1
only.......He didn't know his wife was pregnant.:flushed:
khusted
08-02-2004, 11:29 AM
sorry...I missed the news last night. I was watching that new pirate movie that came out.
I forget the name but it was rated aaarrrrrrrr.
Topik
08-02-2004, 06:38 PM
hey fastcougar is fastcougar. No matter what chapter. we all drive the same car..................for the most part or have drove the same or similiar car.
khusted
08-03-2004, 11:11 AM
Originally posted by: lbizboy
hey fastcougar is fastcougar. No matter what chapter. we all drive the same car..................for the most part or have drove the same or similiar car.
that was the worse joke yet...
Did you hear about the two vultures that boarded an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
[quote]
Originally posted by: EdgeCat
"Holy SHlT, its a talking muffin!"q]
<----wondering why this isnt cencerd????
Topik
08-03-2004, 06:40 PM
well maybe it wasn't amusing because it wasn't a joke. ;)
khusted
08-03-2004, 06:55 PM
"SHlT" maybe the quotes?
EdgeCat
08-03-2004, 08:50 PM
I have skills far beyond anything you all can comprehend. custom_images/emoticons/shocked.gif
Well, except for Kyle.
LostRacer
08-03-2004, 09:21 PM
"SHlT" I figured it out earlier..just erased my post.. ;) I cannot condone circumventing the filters.
Thank you.
Pyro81
08-04-2004, 03:56 PM
May i play?
Received in an email:
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service." "The act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard the terms:
Internal Revenue Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City/County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations
And I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.
Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows.
SHAZAM! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all
those "service" agencies are doing to us
khusted
08-04-2004, 04:00 PM
Pyro: I think that was too funny to be in this thread. From Zum's initial post I thought this was a lame joke thread and I felt obligated to share my elite lameness
try to limit the hilarity from now on, ok?
Blackedoutcat
08-05-2004, 12:04 AM
[censored],
Pyro81
08-05-2004, 10:29 AM
Originally posted by: khusted
Pyro: I think that was too funny to be in this thread. From Zum's initial post I thought this was a lame joke thread and I felt obligated to share my elite lameness
try to limit the hilarity from now on, ok?
Read you loud and clear...
Originally posted by: LostRacer
"SHlT" I figured it out earlier..just erased my post.. ;) I cannot condone circumventing the filters.
Thank you.
AHHH you did it again....how did you do it???is it cuz ur a mod...
khusted
08-05-2004, 11:18 AM
Originally posted by: ZUM
My jokes are not lame :(
right...and I'm not a black lesbian trapped in a white man's body
Originally posted by: khusted
Originally posted by: ZUM
My jokes are not lame :(
right...and I'm not a black lesbian trapped in a white man's body
well, then i guess it takes a whole lot of lame jokes to get this chapter posting again.
who would have thought we are still alive.:rolleyes:
khusted
08-05-2004, 12:46 PM
it usually dies down during the summer...it's normal
now to get back on topic:
Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.
01blkcat
08-06-2004, 01:27 AM
I can't believe some of you are so clueless that you didn't pick up the "I" in SHlT is actually just a lowercase 'l' :biggrin:
khusted
08-06-2004, 02:04 PM
There you go...ruining all our fun
LostRacer
08-06-2004, 06:54 PM
pfft